Thing is, faith is tricky. We can believe all we want, and most of the times, its power will bestow us the realization of the things that we hope for. But on other times, faith has to be challenged. You find yourself at the crossroads of odds, desire, hopelessness, salivating taste of the happening, and pain of not being able to reach it. Given those and the strong emotions that will tend to bring you down and release your grasp, will you still be able to hold on? Is faith just all about believing that something will happen, or isn’t it about the belief that things happen for the better, even if it doesn’t look quite good at face value? Is faith for the sake of getting what we want, or isn’t it about holding on and hoping for gracious blessings even if they do not appear as we like them? Tell me.
Anonymous asked: <3 <3
Grabe anon! O_O double sent ka pa sa inbox ko! Haha. Bad! XD
- ♂ = I am a boy who has a crush on you
- ♀ = I am a girl who has a crush on you
- () = I am a nonbinary/genderqueer person who has a crush on you
- æ = Post a picture of yourself
- $ = You’re awesome
- # = I love your blog
- @ = You’re beautiful
- <3 = I want to fuck you
- & = I wish we were close
- ~ = I wish we were friends in real life
- ? = I relate to a lot of the same things you go through
- ! = You inspire me
One thing I learned about holding hands?
It should be spontaneous. You don’t take another persons hand to prove something or make someone feel good because you held his/her hand. You don’t tell someone to hold your hand. It should have been and always be spontaneous.
Petty things do make me sad/cry.
Hmm, I had this conversation with E. I didn’t expected to have that conversation with him today. I just went to the hospital to meet my former senior asking for a recommendation letter. I do know that E was on duty but didn’t know that I’ll have this sit down conversation with him.I just passed by his ward and he saw me and asked me a few things.
It started well, catching up. He’s asking me how’s my life, did I find a job already after I left the hospital etc.. I thought there was nothing wrong talking to him, he’s still a friend after all the fuss we had a few months back. Then, he asked “Bakit di ka na nagpaparamdam?” I replied, “bakit kelangan magparamdam?” It’s not that I don’t want to talk with him about things but that’s the truth, there’s no reason for me to send him a message. Conversation went spontaneously, then we reached that part, the conversations we had a few months back. I started to get silent. I told him there’s no point asking him since he’s not that been open with that topic. It’s pointless to talk about something when I’m the only one who wants answers and I can’t get it from him. Surprisingly, he gave in. He suddenly want to talk about it. I didn’t know what happened but I’m the one on the hot seat. He asked me if I really assumed and expected something from his actions. Indirectly, I told him that yes, I assumed things. He asked why and I said, “Na-assume ko kasi yun yung ipinararating mo sa akin, pero at the back of my mind alam kong di pwede mangyari yun kasi nga taken ka.” Then he asked me if I have a crush on him. I didn’t answer. I just told him that I don’t want to say anything that will boost his ego ‘coz for me all of the things that happened boosts his ego already and that’s too much. Of course, he denied such thing.
It took me a long time to get my turn to ask him. I asked only one question, “Bakit mo nagawa yun?” he replied, ”Naawa ko sa’yo. Gusto kita tulungan.” what he said, initially, it didn’t affect me. I laughed it off then eventually it sink in. When I was still working at the hospital, he’s one of my confidante. I look to him as my big brother, who I could ask for advice about boys, lovelife and other stuff. We didn’t get along at first but eventually he became a good friend to me. When he said, "Naawa ko sa’yo.” that’s it. I felt sad when I got home. I don’t want to take his answer negatively but hearing it from him, it made me sad. Is my lovelife really that miserable for him? For him to feel that I’m helpless? That he need to put himself in such situation that he thought would help me? I want to get angry at him for thinking that way. I don’t know why he felt that. I asked him and he really couldn’t explain it. He just said it was complicated for him to explain it and he hoped that I can understand. He also said that given his situation he couldn’t explain it to me. I told him I’m not demanding him of something like, reciprocating the feelings, I just want him to be honest on why he did it knowing that I can be vulnerable for having feelings easily for someone. He was honest but he also said there’s something he couldn’t say to me. I get that. I really do get that but still saying “naawa ako sa’yo” makes me feel bad. feels like I’m going way to desperate on love.
I just really feel bad right now. If he just said it to me that the whole thing was a joke, like what he told our common friend, I’d let this go. I wouldn’t feel that bad but no, he didn’t. What he told me is that, at first, the whole thing was really a joke, but that’s what I thought too. It was just a joke. Knowing him, he couldn’t be that serious with things like this. Him, being taken and says sweet things to a girl-friend? He can’t be that serious, but he admits that he went too far. He told me that eventually, it wasn’t just a joke anymore, he felt that I’m in need of help and that he could help me and there’s this other feeling that he can’t say that made him to go that far. Our conversation ended because a friend interrupted us. And all he can say is, sorry. And all I can do is to type down this post because it made me sad but I didn’t told him that I felt bad about the conversation we had.